Step 66: Break Into a Car

Tonight, I got caught trying to break into a Ford Focus. I am apparently a rather inept thief.

See, what had happened was, and you know, it's not liek it seems, because of the circumstances that you don't even know, but what I'm trying to say, and again I need you to listen... /stalling

We went to pick up the rental car my mom needs tomorrow. The rental place we use happens to be located inside a Ford dealership. So, as we were waiting for the rental guys to finish cleaning the car and whatnot, we decided to browse around the show room a bit. When we walked in, a very nice-looking Focus caught my eye, so I went to have a closer look.

The driver's side window was down, and all the other cars in the showroom were unlocked, so when I went to open the Focus, and discovered it was locked, I thought nothing of reaching through the open window to unlock it.

Did you know that the anti-theft system on a Focus is set up so that if you unlock it from the INside, it gives you 15 seconds to start the car with they key before it freaks right the heck out and starts honking it's horn inside a brightly-lit, densely-populated, acoustically-stellar showroom? Trufax.

ANYWAY, as I'm standing there with this hollering car, I look to see a Hero Among Men coming over to fix the issue. I asked if I wasn't supposed to unlock it, and he assured me that the issue was that it shouldn't have been locked to begin with, but because people lean on the lock, the alarm goes off at least twice a day. Mostly, I'm just glad that my response was the "Oopsies! Hee hee!" face and not the "OMG I need to crawl into a hole and die now" crimson blush of doom. Blushing is more embarrassing for me than setting off a car alarm in front of 50 people. Also trufax.

So, after I inspect the Focus properly (I like it, but I want different rims and also leather interior, and for car companies in general to stop making head rests that hit you right at the back of your head where it's either instant neck crick or headache), they tell us the rental is ready.

It's a PT Cruiser. My mom HATES PT Cruisers. Like, seriously. I don't even know why, she just hates them. She refers to them as "Old Guy Cars." Anyway, she jokingly expresses her displeasure about the car, but takes it anyway, because it's not like they knew she didn't want a PT Cruiser. So, I take her car and drive it home, she follows me, all is well.

Cut to a little later, I decide I want to try my hand at Wii Golf (it's the EA Sports one, I feel I should clarify). Mom, who was Mafia Warsing at the time, says she'd like to play, too. Cool. We get started. Mind you, I've never played this game before in my life.

We go through the first couple holes, both making at least Par, if not Birdies, and my mom made one Eagle. Then, it's Hole 5. It's a Par 3. It's my turn to tee off. I draw back, take my swing, and as the ball flies through the air, I feel the controller start to vibrate in a heartbeat rhythm. That always means something good. Sure enough, it soars through the air, bounces on the green, then rolls gracefully into a HOLE IN ONE! 8D 8D 8D I do the dance of WOOT, then turn around...

The game has glitched. It says "OUT OF BOUNDS" and records my score on the hole as a 2. D8 No, you did not just rob me of my hole in one, Game! Jerk! Anyway, mom declares that it counted because she witnessed it, so we'd just mentally knock a stroke off my score. Okay, fine.

Cut to hole 7. Another Par 3. Another swing, another heartbeat and another perfect hole in one! Wait for it...is it gonna be out of bounds... "HOLE IN ONE" OMG YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!! TWO HOLES IN ONE ON MY FIRST TIME PLAYING I WIN AT LIFE FOREVER!

Or at the game. For tonight. But it was still exhilarating. Pixel golf or not, TWO holes in one in the same game is pretty good. /things I decided

This blog is relevant because 1.) I'm shopping for new cars (Sandy, my Mazda, just hit 170,000 miles, and I told her if she'd hang on for 30,000 more, I'd let her retire, but if finances work out sooner, she might get early retirement). And 2.) If the author thing doesn't work out, I'm pretty sure I've got a stellar career in the LPGA waiting for me. -_-

Current Status: Multi-Hundredaire
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